In a recent episode of New Rory & Mal, the crew took a deep dive into the billion-dollar empire of Girl Scout cookies, questioning the staggering revenue, the structure of the organization, and the seemingly elusive nature of its operations.
Rory starts by recalling how he predicted years ago that people should start paying closer attention to the Girl Scouts’ financials. He notes that the organization generates approximately $800 million annually—and that’s just from cookie sales, which take place in a four-month window (January to April). Mal jumps in with a theory that the cookies are being “stepped on” like illicit substances, claiming they even contain traces of metal. The conversation quickly turns humorous yet skeptical, as the hosts joke about how these seemingly harmless cookies are actually part of a major financial operation with questionable transparency.
Where Is the Money Going?
Mal questions who is actually managing the finances behind the Girl Scouts, wondering why there isn’t more scrutiny on an organization raking in nearly a billion dollars annually. He points out that despite these massive earnings, most people have never actually met anyone who works for the Girl Scouts at an administrative level—only the young girls selling cookies. The hosts joke about how you never see Girl Scout headquarters, storefronts, or tangible signs of community contributions, despite the organization claiming that proceeds go toward local councils, camps, and scholarships.
“The Craziest Scam in American History”
Rory and Mal jokingly compare the Girl Scout business model to a drug cartel, noting the free labor of young girls selling cookies door-to-door in exchange for small badges, while the organization brings in hundreds of millions. Mal calls it “child labor,” and Rory points out that some adults are selling the cookies at their jobs like they’re “moving weight.”
The conversation escalates as the hosts question why the cookies are only available for four months a year, despite cookies not being a seasonal product. They suggest that the limited availability creates artificial demand, much like an illicit market strategy. Mal even jokingly compares the Girl Scout operation to Frank Lucas and American Gangster, emphasizing that even the biggest drug dealers weren’t making $800 million in four months.
“Where Do You Even Sign Up?”
Adding to the mystery, Mal questions how one even joins the Girl Scouts. Unlike other organizations with visible headquarters, recruitment offices, or advertisements, the Girl Scouts seem to appear out of nowhere, selling cookies with no clear entry point. “Where do you go to become a Girl Scout? Where’s the sign-up office?” he asks.
Is It a Nonprofit or a Profitable Front?
The discussion takes a turn when the hosts look up the Girl Scouts’ nonprofit status, realizing it’s a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization based in New York. Rory and Mal sarcastically ask how selling cookies could be considered a “charitable” act and suggest that the tax-free nature of the business raises even more questions. Mal calls it “the government selling drugs,” likening the operation to major pharmaceutical companies and questioning whether it’s all part of a larger financial scheme.
Final Thoughts: A Multi-Billion Dollar Mystery
By the end of the discussion, Rory and Mal are left with more questions than answers. With hundreds of millions in tax-free revenue, free labor, limited product availability, and virtually no public transparency, they jokingly suggest that the Girl Scouts could be one of the biggest hustles in American history.
Their takeaway? Someone needs to investigate the Girl Scouts, and until then, they might just start their own cookie-selling empire.
